For years I had struggled with depression. For as long as I could remember, I was referred to as a "serious" kid whenever my teachers could get my parents' ear. I don’t even know why. I had a great childhood, great parents, and great friends. I really had no reason to be serious other than that was my natural way I suppose.
However, as I grew up, inevitably, that seriousness began growing too. With it came worry, anxiety and hostility. I would go on medication, but then feel numb, like my creative spark had been lost; and since I was pretty much known for my singing and art, I couldn’t afford to lose the one thing that made me good at it.
But soon those emotions began running the show. I would lash out in the most horrible ways at people. I was willing to be bigger and badder than the worst of what anyone would ever think of to say to me. I hurt so much on the inside that when someone else deliberately hurt me, I made sure they would pay.
And my tongue was a sharp one. I am surprised I still have all of the important people in my life.
It wasn’t until I came across a popular self-help writer’s works that something immediately changed in me. I realized almost instantly that I had been defaulting to the kind of thinking that made me believe I had no control over my life, or what happened to me. Once I began to understand that the world responds to energy and thrives on positivity, did I finally get it.
I was so sick and tired of being depressed that I forced myself to operate from that completely different perspective. The immediate feedback I received in my life was all of the confirmation I needed to fully adopt that new way of thinking.
I no longer lash out in anger at all, and I no longer need medication. I still sing and draw just fine, too. Once I relatively mastered my new ways of thinking, other people who seemed to need help naturally gravitated towards me for advice.
And I am so honored by that.
Sometimes we get so focused on reacting to the world that we never stop and evaluate from what perspective we are operating on. For me, I needed to start to operate from the belief that the world would be kind to me if I was to it. And it is.
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