My problem on who I am
by Too Shy
(North Carolina )
I hate myself!
Hi, I would just like to say before I start I have no faith in me. No confidence, or self esteem.
Everyday I wake up and stare at the mirror for about 15 minutes and just insult myself.
For instance: "Your so ugly" "drop dead" "look at all that fat, freaking fat cow."
And I do this because I don't see a beautiful girl. I see an ugly messed up fat girl.
I cry myself to sleep and hide away in my room and stay on my computer all night because I'm embarrassed, and think my family will even judge me.. I've never loved who I am...
I'm breaking out so much that I cake on makeup, and I also do this to hide my ugliness !
I don't talk to anyone about my problems. I tell my 2 best-friends, but I refuse to tell my parents or siblings.
People pick on me a lot. I have so many problems in school.. I've thought about running away and everything..
I'm ashamed if myself and just hate myself.
I'm fat, I usually weigh about 83-82, and I now weigh 92-94 !!!
I put on too much weight, so I cut back on eating and sometimes skip meals.
I wanna be beautiful and skinny!
Hi Too Shy, I am so sorry to hear how you feel about yourself. The feelings you experience are not at all uncommon, especially among younger girls today. In fact, we've an article on teenage girls self esteem addressing this very concern. But, do you know that the daily exercise you are indulging in before the mirror every morning, is exactly the kind of thing that is making matters much worse or seem worse? If you want to be beautiful and skinny as you state, that kind of thing is exactly NOT what you should be doing.
I can completely understand if you don't consider yourself beautiful, for whatever reason. But, believe it or not, this is a problem that can be fixed. And the first step is to stop that self loathing discourse before the mirror everyday. If you can't bring yourself to say you look beautiful, at least don't berate yourself that way every morning.
Secondly, I understand your not talking about your problems with others, especially parents, and it's a good thing you've best friends that you can communicate with. But in the long run, it might help if you are actually able to communicate how you feel with your parents, as more likely than not, far from judging you, they may actually be able to help you or point you to someone who can.
Lastly, if you believe you are overweight, weight problems are something that can be fixed.. but, skipping meals is not a way to do that. It comes down to eating healthy foods regularly, and avoiding the not-so-healthy ones consistently, along with a bit of exercise. It takes discipline, and time, but it can be done. Here are few teen weight loss tips we have listed, that hopefully, may provide you with some useful information work with.
But, in your case, while weight may or may not be a problem, I am certain that it's not the primary problem that needs to be addressed. It's how you think and feel about yourself. Appearance is only a part of who you really are.. but the rest has to do with how you carry yourself, and how you communicate with others. If you get these right, you'll notice that most people hardly ever judge you by appearance alone, but more by how you present yourself, and what you say or don't say. It's easier said than done, I admit, but start giving it a try, and you'll soon notice the changes in how others perceive you. As you start feeling comfortable about yourself, it's a matter of time before your weight problems, if any, will start resolving themselves.
I wish you success in your efforts, and thanks so much for sharing your thoughts here. -Shan
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