Place to stay

by Kgomotso
(Mafikeng - South Africa)

Unable to decide whether to stay with husband or not

Unable to decide whether to stay with husband or not

My husband & I have been fighting since we got married on 2009 December because his parents won't let him leave his house. The fight got worse and worse everyday till I decided to go back home, since I did not feel safe anymore. Now my husband is bugging me to go and leave with him again. I still love him but still afraid of his parents & he always protects them more than he does on me.

What should I do? Should I go back or not?

Editor's response:

Hi Kgomotso, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here. Yours sounds like a unique problem when you say your husband's parents "won't let him leave his house." Are you saying you both live together with your husband's parents, and his parents actually forbid your husband to leave the house? Do you both live in your husband's parents' house, or do his parents live with you all in your house? Either way, it's possible I may be misunderstanding something here, because I can't fathom how his parents can actually stop your husband from leaving, unless he himself doesn't want to.

But regardless, if you feel your husband protects your parents more than he does you, this is certainly something you need to talk it out with him. If you are actually "afraid of his parents" or are worried about your safety there, then by no means should you go back until your fear is addressed one hundred percent.

But if you feel are unhappy more than you are happy living with your husband, you should let him know that as well. He may feel he has an obligation towards his parents, and that is understandable, but ideally speaking, he should not let that interfere too much with the relationship he needs to have with you. You may need to be flexible occasionally on certain situations, and that may not be entirely unreasonable.. but by no means should that be a daily requirement or expectation for you. Only you can decide how much can you compromise yourself for the sake of your love for your husband. Letting him know how you feel can help him decide what's more important to him at this point in his life.. he may even come up with a way that can keep everybody a little happy (and a little unhappy) as opposed to only you being unhappy all the time.

Hope this has been of some help, and I am sorry if I misunderstood your post. I wish you good luck in sorting this out with your husband. -Shan

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